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  • Writer's pictureginny

Making Friends as an Adult can be a Tricky Business, can't it?

Updated: Oct 14, 2020

Consider what you want in a friend.

I personally want friends that inspire me in something they do; great things at their job, volunteering or being a spiritual leader. Someone who always seem in balance or calm. Someone that might just make me laugh so hard I snort or pee my pants. They all will have something that brightens and adds to my life.

Think about things that are important to you and what you'd like more of in your life. Do you need somebody to hold you accountable? Do you want a friend that you can exchange personal stories and where secrets stay put? Do you want a buddy that's up for anything on the spur of the moment?

Once you have identified the above try these ways to find friends.

* Be active! Having a social life doesn't just happen. We are all busy folks with jobs and families. We all fall off the face of the earth from time to time and before you know it you haven't been to a party or gotten a phone call in ages. It's easy to get paranoid and wonder where all your friends what. Don't.Panic.

Try getting a group together to go rock climbing, swap clothes or to celebrate something, anything. Be creative think-winter solstice party.

* Make your friendships a priority. Easy to do with sending a Snapchat adding a thought of you watching the basketball game, let's get together next week.

* Be a good friend this means when they say they are rearranging their living room or painting the deck- you offer to help! Or offer to bring over lunch when they need a break. Listen for opportunities to help. Do they need a ride? Do they need extra chairs for family dinner? Can you watch their pet(s) when they go out of town? This also builds in a 'return the favor bond.'

* When meeting new people notice their eyecolor, people respond to good eye contact and this takes only a second to commit the color to memory. If you ask a question and they're slow to respond don't spring in an answer… Wait, stay silent, and keep up with the eye contact. People remember how you made them feel, so respond positively, nod, smile as they talk. Ask clarifying questions that show interest. And don't talk over the top of people.

*You have to get out there and join things. I think this is the hardest thing for young adults to do. Volunteer. Make as small as committment as you feel you are ready for, don,t overwelm yourself .You can join a recreation league playing softball or volleyball for fun. If you're not the sporting type, join a book club at the library or an adult game night. *Go online and find a Facegroup of something you have or are interested in; meet up with another Boxer owner at a dog park or find a group of runners to join.

These may seem like really lame ideas; you may think it's advertising that you're a loser and have no friends but this is not the case. In today's online world it is very difficult to meet people. You really do need in person friendships and you won't find them staying in your house.

Of course they are going to be friendships that don't work out. People and situations change. This may not be a friendship that you want to keep if it's someone that always makes you feel drained or negative. It's hard but sometimes you have to break up. I had one friend I realized even after 15 years I was always the initiator. If I didn't call her or communicate first I would never hear from her. I also gave up a 20 year friendship when my friend became extremely angry and negative all the time but never made changes. I recognized she was influencing my own mood and attitude.

So try as much or as little as you want but to find a friend you really do have to look!

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