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A Child's Death

Updated: May 20

I don't think most people understand truly how much you lose when your child dies.

You lose every birthday cake you planned in your head. You lose all the first and last days of school. You lose Christmas mornings with the whole family. You miss first dates, broken hearts, triumphs, graduations and weddings. You even miss the side of them that was difficult and angry.

You miss helping them as adults and as they progress into their own family and work life. You miss their absence at the end of your own life. You lose every forward memory you would ever have. This is so overwhelming.

When you first see their friends it's as if you want to run and hide. It's so painful to see them going on with their lives and happy. No one tells you there may be resentment in the simple fact they are alive. But in time you welcome them in and continue to be happy for them and interested in their lives.

No matter the age of the child from stillbirth to adult, they are a child in your eyes. The love never diminishes by the days, weeks or years they lived.

To get through this you have to continue to break things down. One task at a time. Nothing needs to be so huge and overwhelming. One day at a time and soon its been years and they are forever that same age.

There is not a day that goes by that you think of them. There isn't any occasion that you don't think 'I wish he was here.' It gets so much better with time or at least the acute stabbing pain is gone. And when you get where you can smile when you think of them too and that is very nice.

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